Confidence: RESTORED

Well, the audition went well. Please note the following post will be laden with an extraordinary flex of ego.

I woke up this morning with a sensation I haven't felt in a long time (get your mind out of the gutter!).

My heart was racing.

My lip was twitching.

Audition day!

I had some green juice and toast. Took a shower. Did my make-up (yay!) and headed down.

Confession: I did take my little shooter of whiskey. For those of you that find this a sick practice, wake up. Some of your most revered musicians- classical and otherwise- can't even play unless they are completely stoned. Barry Bonds has nothing on these people. I never got a perscription for barbituates or some other drug because they are addictive. I chose Wild Turkey because A) it's pretty strong and B) It tastes like shit. and C) My grandmother told me to. It doesn't cloud my judgment or my senses (I obviously need those) and it makes my heart stop racing and my lip and hands stop shaking long enough to get through it. I mean, how drunk can you get off of 2 tablespoons of whiskey?

Anyway. When I arrived at the audition site, I noticed a little group of girls. It had to be them. The flutes. The director of course had put us all together so I could hear how it was going inside the room. I'm no Galway, but those girls were making some stupid mistakes. Mistakes that aren't caused by nerves, but makes their professor look really bad.

I had my share of fumbles, but my tone came through just fine. It was drilled in my head during my early days in Aspen that the edge I would have would be NOT sounding like some frou-frou little dainty flute player, but playing with strength and richness. The director took notice. I finished my first passage and he welcomed me to the ensemble and said "you are going to light quite a fire under their asses, that's for sure".

So now that my nerves have settled and my confidence has recieved a very ecessary boost, I'm left a certain "Ohmmmmm". Good stuff.

I have got to figure out my workout situation. This snow isn't going away anytime soon and after next week I won't have my super luxerious athletic facility anymore (or the sorostitutes to go along with it). I now have my own school's facility, but I have to wait for things to calm down after I get everything in order (locker, lightrail pass, schedule, etc...) I feel like a bit of a schlub, but the looming 5k will keep me focused, hopefully. Now if could stop eating everything in sight. I struggle on the mondays before and after TOM with this because I have all of these fresh groceries, my appetite is insatiable and I'm usually just bumming around the house because it's my day off. I need a plan of attack now that I will be around more often. Must keep busy. Must journal if necessary. Must do whatever it takes to GET CONTROL. I'm in a process right now of facing the music and this is a part of it.