Quarter Life Crisis is Officially Over. Resume Normal Activites.

Wow. Time to repent.

I haven't been working out. I mean, I've been running my butt around campus hauling about 40 pounds of crap, but nothing intentional.

But I'm not concerned. For the past couple of weeks I have been juggling ensemble with the record label and my "real job" and school, but I had my last day today. The director of Athletics and Events for the university (which is Div 1) agreed to write me a stunning letter of recommendation and offered to update it as needed and they threw me a nice little party with cake, which I passed up.

Yup, I passed it up. The description from the baker of the cake started out with, "well, it begins with a pound of chocolate..." It just made my stomach turn. Perhaps it was also because people expressing sincerity about me makes me ungodly uncomfortable.

Upon leaving (and no, I wasn't escorted out by security), I didn't know how to feel. I looked at kids on the ice whom I had known since they were born and what life that place is filled with and I felt a bit sad. I was kind of in shock. For 5 years that has been my "place" and my excuse for not finishing semesters and my crutch in general and now I am without it.

When I got home, I didn't know what to do wtih myself, so I did a bunch of homework. I will take it as a good sign- a sign that I have better things to do. And I am better than that. I guess part of me was afraid that I would lose everything I had gained upon walking out the door. I walked in an insecure, overweight, obnoxious and lost 19 year old. In that place I found the woman inside who was always looking for a way out. A hottie emerged. I have 2 long purple scars on my ankle from snapping it on the ice. I have discovered courage. I know I'm not one of those people who would let someone die right before their very eyes without doing something. I lost 90 fucking pounds. I saw children born. And then skate. I have made more friends than I can count and learned that the world is not my enemy.

I met the man I'm going to marry someday. Someday.

I did all of that within those walls. I have made peace and found gratitude for those experiences.

Now, I just wonder where I'm going to take my zamboni ride on my birthday.

So.... School is good. No, it's awesome. The label is running pretty smoothly, though the album title for the new release is horrendous. The last release will be hard to beat. It was a campaign for Colorado music (called "Colorado Cuts") and we snatched up some great names for the project. It was reviewed by the Denver Post which lturned into a piece being done about us by the NY Times and led to us putting on a concert featuring a little known band at the time that was in our class (and I don't mean year, I mean the actual classroom) called The Fray. It was in this tiny auditorium with bad sound and our professor presented them with this UGLY little cake congratualting them for being signed by Epic.

Yeah. That would be tough to beat, I suppose.

The ensemble, which I thought would be the highlight (how in the hell to spell that word?!?!?!) has been a huge drag. It is possibly the nastiest, smelliest, cattiest flute section i've ever dealt with and they showed me their distaste for me the second I walked in the door. I don't know who they think they are fooling. It's a Division II school with an un-noteworthy ensemble and a director that gives repetoire totally out of their reach. But then, who am I fooling? I need the easy A.

The girl that sits next to me is a sight. She is me 5 years ago. Very young. Standoffish. Thinks I'm a total bitch. Overweight. Uncomfortable in her own skin. Plays very immaturely. They all do. I just want to shake them and yell, "What the hell is the matter with your studio teacher!!!"

God, if she only knew. If she didn't play in a marching position with her bell right in my ear (is she doing that on purpose?). I have resorted to bringing an earplug for that side.

So I've rambled on a bit here, but it's been exciting. I get to record music on the same soundboard that recorded the Beatle's "Abbey Road", which to me is the coolest thing ever (Carribou Ranch donated it to the school). My party is coming up and it should be a riot.

I haven't been concerned about weight. I weigh 5 pounds less than I did last year, which means I'm getting a handle on this whole seasonal weight gain. While I haven't had any intentional exercise, my body has adjusted accordingly and I don't experience ravenous hunger and haven't caved to the food on campus. In fact, I've been eating a particularly raw diet and I feel so good. The exercise thing will change tomorrow as I'm off to the base to workout with the new recruit. Boot Camp, here I come!!!