Playing House

Brrr, man, brrrrrrr!!! 5 degrees!!!!

But I don't care! It's the holidays! And I'm in love and that makes the holidays even better!!!!

In my single days, would I have been caught dead draping my house with tinsel and pine cones and lights and dragging a tree up 3 flights of stairs? No! Would I be sitting on a curb in downtown Denver to watch a parade in subzero temps?

Of course not.

But that's ok. He's worth it.

So I have been insanely spoiled this week with 2 gifts that made me cry.... The first, oddly enough, was a blender. It was from my dad. Why would a blender make me teary? Well, we had one of those awesome family vacations on October on the beach and much of it was spent making margaritas. Sooooo, in the middle of winter, my dad sent me a blender.

The second was from a person not incredibly dear to my heart, but who is perhaps an even better gift giver than I am. She was a houseguest of ours recently and brought along her knitting stuff. I have always always always wanted to learn, but never got the guts to get started. When I see a homemade scarf on someone, I always feel a little envious. It is truly one of the best gifts you can give someone. I mean, it's something you put time into sewing and it means you want to keep someone warm. It's sweet. I also feel as though it's like quilting or a strogonaf recipe- it's something that can bring families together and trickle down to generations.

Well, I guess she picked up on my sentiments because I came home to find a box full of soft yarn, knitting needles, and the "Stitch and Bitch" book. It was truly the best gift ever. And even though I have been at it all of a day, I can tell that it was just something that I was meant to do.

Success!

Thanksgiving, that is.

I usually don't escape without having a couple of plates of food, but I got through one normal sized plate and... I was full. Of course I had a nibble later on that night, but all in all it wasn't a gorge fest.

So:

Food: fantastic

Conversation/company: good. I got invited to a retired psychologist's pool. My friend and I also came to the conclusion that psychologists in general are the most extreme example of overcompensation of freakiness and mental illness.

Drama level: 1. We all just got along. Of course, none of were related.

Raw.

So I did a few days of jucing and moved into raw this week. I wasn't planning on it. It just sort of happened. I've been eating a LOT of food, but I feel amazing. I had the past couple of days off of work and have been a running machine. Poor Ross. He's sticking out the juice fast till today I think. He did really well. He only got tired yesterday. I can't imagine if he had kept working out like he had originally planned. I'm contemplating veganism. Of course, that will be shot out the window promptly at dinner tommorrow. I am a turkey junkie (isn't that what they called Ralphie's dad in A Christmas Story?). I LOVE that movie.

I've started something, I think. My friend is joining the Navy and now she is planning a juice fast, but that's only to get to that magic number she needs to see before they will sign her (hopefully she will take my advice and not drink Nakeds the entire time as the mission is to actually lose weight). I see myself 2.5 years ago. Once I learned that I could "do it", absolutely nothing got in my way. I'm certain I was a total pain in the ass to be around. For one thing, when you start to lose an excessive amount of weight, vanity REALLY takes over. Well, maybe not to a better person, but it bit me in the ass. Suddenly, your friends have lost the original Jen and now must put up with, "Can you really tell?" "Hold on while I stand in front of this mirror for an hour and a half". I'm surpised I retained as many friends as I did. They also have to put up with you being obsessive about things like food and exercise, which is an important part of someone's daily life and makes them seem like a totally different person.

I can't believe people are as surprised as they are that they lose friends when they lose weight.

"Your friends are just jealous"

"They can't handle the 'new' you"

"They are the skinny one, not you"

All of these can be true. But the fact is, YOU CHANGE! It didn't happen one day when I woke up and weighed 130 pounds (for like a day). It was a change that happened gradually as I began to reclaim and own who I was. I was no longer afraid of what would happen if I spoke my mind. My body and person and self just came together.

Yeah, that will change someone.

I'm grateful my true friends were as supportive. Some weren't. My guy friends who had been my friends for a couple of years suddenly dropped me when their girlfriends saw me. Suddenly, I was nothing but an afterthought. People who had never bothered with me before suddenly found me "worthy" I learned a lot not only about myself, but about others. I learned about friendship. My friends have their own struggles, but still cheer me on every step of the way.

Thats why when I see this friend who is now a "loser", I feel a little sad. Will she forget about us that cheered her on in her wake? Will she too be exposed to the realities that your appearance does matter and that will become blatently clear? Will it disenfranchise her or make her stronger? I feel she will be fine. I see the change already and know that I will be there for her as she was for me. My memory is long.

Juicing

So this week went really well. I went for 2 30 minute runs on wednesday, one in the morning, the other just before supper. I think running in cooler (notice I didn't say *freezing*) weather suits me.

I live in the most interesting neighborhood.

Our old neighborhood is about 10 blocks from here and about a world apart. We lived right off of Colfax, which is the "longest, wickidest street in America" according to Playboy. And I believe it. We lived on Capitol Hill, the raunchiest section of all, I believe. Pulling into an alley, we would have to wait for a crackhead to finish smoking before he would move out of the road. I was at a bar across from the old place on Halloween and I *think* someone offered to sell me a teenager. The day after we moved, a man randomely had his head stomped in behind our apartment. Between the whores, crackheads, yuppies, trendsters, missionaries, and state legislators, it was hard to know where you stood in the world.

I couldn't run in that neighborhood.

But 10 blocks north it's a different story, even though people think differently. It is an urban residential neighborhood. People think of it as predominatly black, and it is in some parts, but overall its perfectly evened out. It was actually the first neighborhood in Denver where blacks were *allowed* to live. The houses are beautiful. I can't describe them, but they are all so different. Big porches and all different colors and uneven sidewalks. There are people out all the time. Some have homes while many others are just wanderers.

I encountered both on my run and they both made an impression.

I guess 2 of them needed a purpose for a while and chose me as their reason.

I was jogging along at a good pace when all of the sudden I hear, "get those knees up... NOW!" I turn around and see this man riding towards me on a bicycle. He slowed and rode along with me acting like me drill sergeant, repeatedly informing me that I was dragging ass.

After he got bored, I picked up another one! A woman stumbled off of her porch (and I do mean stumbled) and said, "Pick those motha-fuckin' knees up, ya hear me. Shoot" in the smoothest voice I had ever heard. Even though she wasn't yelling, her tone told me that she was serious.

It really was one of my finer runs. And I have now put some cold weather Under Armour on my Christmas list.

I'm doing a juice fast for the next few days. I have managed to become completely addicted to sugar and it's time to break it. While everything else eating-wise has been fine, I can't even talk about how much candy I've consumed recently. I've been feeling kinda lousy in that department and I can feel a tailspin starting. This isn't the time. I've also had this completely ovewhelming feeling for the past couple of weeks. Even after a hard work out at the gym yesterday, I felt like running everyone in front of me off the road. Time to get back to basics, unearth and deal with the issue, and move on. There was a thread on 3FC recently about restriction and maintenance and where certain things are concerned, like candy (and sugar in general), there is no moderation or middle ground. When I break myself of the *need*, I don't give it a second thought.

So mentally, physically and spiritually, it's time for some juice! Bring it on!

"Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder would never get a record deal.... they're blind"

It didn't snow. I fussed ALL DAY about the snow and... nothing. I don't know why, but I really wanted it to snow!

SO I tried rowing yesterday. Apparently, it's supposed to be this huge calorie burner, but I didn't break much of a sweat. I'm sure I'm doing it wrong.

So I'm going to see this documentary on Friday night at the library in Boulder (patchoulie, anyone?) It's called "Before The Music Dies". It's a study of how ginormously fucked up the music industry has become. This is one of those topics where I just have so much to say, but I have no idea where to start. The beginning of the trailer pretty much sums up my frustrations. It shows two girs who look around 15. They have never heard of Bob Dylan. The would tell Ashlee Simpson that she's "real". And it's not really all about music. It's interesting to see people get ridiculously excited over a song that was essentially chosen for them. We listen to what some old fat guy in a label boardroom tells us to listen to. There are 5 major labels. You can look at the back of a CD and see something other than one of those names, but it is almost certainly owned and controlled by one of those labels.

Another thing to consider is the backlash that has been caused by digital music. I believe in the protection of copyrighted work and while it may be cheap for you to rip off someone's work, it is not necessarily right. BUT, it has woken up these labels. We have been horribly overcharged for music for a very long time. The $15+ you pay for a CD? You now know that making your own costs a mere fraction of that. In that $15 you are not paying for some plastic and fancy cover art. You are buying the marketing of that album. You essentially paid for Ashlee Simpson's nose job, not her singing lessons.

Well, that's changing. The labels have come to realize that while we won't pay $15 for a CD with maybe one good song, we will pay $65 to see a decent live performance (something they've been shafting for a looooong time). And we will most definitely pay $15 for 15 songs that we can compile ourselves with the click of a mouse. Consider this:

-overall album sales DROPPED 7.2 percent from 2004

-it was the first time in the soundscan era ('91) that a BILLION units of music were consumed. This included 352 million downloads. Never before has any single configuration (45's, CD's, tapes) sold so many in a year

.-16.2 million units of digital albums (not singles), a 190 percent increase over 2004. Interestingly, only 48 albums went platinum (that's half from 2003).

But the trailer is good. And Dave's in it.... http://www.beforethemusicdies.com/

Break out the bird...

I love the holidays!

I didn't always used to. Thanksgiving in particular has a bad reputation in my family. Car accidents, hospital visits, nervous breakdowns, you name it. I tend not to stray too far from home on this day.

That's changing. Even though last year was equally disappointing, the dread that usually signals that day's arrival has lifted. I imagine that this has to do with being with someone who comes from one of those families that does holidays really well. Everyone goes to the same house with the country decor, sits around the table and plays nice for a few hours. I dunno, since I've found Ross I've experienced a sort of contentment around the holidays that as long as we stick together it will turn out just fine. Ahh the romance of coming from a broken home, people...

I've sort of latched on to the notion that the quieter the day is, the better. I'm working that morning and will most likely be entrusting Ross to babysit the bird (read: DO NOT FEED RAW TURKEY TO THE CAT). I just don't want to come home to find Ross with a turkey over his head and the cat chasing him around the room.

But I guess it would be par for the course...

I can't believe it's next week! The past few years I've really gotten into the Holiday hype. I guess it's because I'm doing it my way now. I also have a man with muscles to help me carry the damn tree. And hang the lights. And I can drink myself into a holiday stupor if need be (I typically don't, but it's comforting to know how to spike the eggnog in emergency situations).

I do not know what's come over me. I spent a TON of money on groceries. I made a juice on friday and now I can't get enough. I am totally well-intentioned here. But all I want to do when I get home is crash. Read. Hell, STUDY. My whole routine has been shaken up by... winter. And I'm not even depressed like I was last winter. I feel so damn good it's ridiculous. I have a wonderful man. I have my health. I have plenty of food in my tummy and my apartment is warm. I guess it's an intrinsic move to hunker down for the winter. The annual downswing. If all goes well I will run stairs in the arena after work and get home in time to just settle in and watch some snow fall.

We checked out the new Museum of Contemporary Art on Sunday. It's worth noting that it's the only Daniel Libeskind project that has been completed in the United States (the other one being the pending Freedom Towers in New York). I had never been to an art museum. I was impressed. The New West exhibit was incredible.

I have no idea what they were thinking putting a Libeskind in Denver. Here I am in this building that is a work of art all on its own. Between that and the art istelf, I was truly in the presence of greatness.

But Denver is simply not ready for a cultural experience such as this. Between the man that compared a male appendage in a painting to his own- in front of his children, and the woman who grabbed a Native American tapestry that was hanging on the wall and shook it...

We just aren't ready.

Ok. Found a workout groove. Must. Stick. With it.

So I love the Biggest Loser. It's a great feeling to accomplish something like that and perhaps I live a little vicariously through them. It also gets the motivational juices flowing and before you know it, I'm dancing around my living room like a big dork because I just want to be moving.

Has anyone noticed that the girl on the red team with the short hair is the UGLIEST crier? I know it's totall superficial, but I can't help it. She cries ALL THE TIME. Her mouth does this weird thing where it morphs into a giant square that literally takes up her entire face. It's the oddest thing.

Anyway.

We have company. She's a perfectly nice girl, but I'm still convinced that she's setting out to steal my man (Maury Povich Style). She's here on business and the last time she came out we were left broke and exhausted. I swear. Whenever we get out of state visitors they want to ski in the summer and hike in the winter. She wants to go hiking. OK. It may have been 75 yesterday but it's going to snow tonight and it IS actually winter in the mountains. It's that simple. It's not like if we drive around long enough we'll find the warm weather, like POOF! The season changes back to summer (though we can dream, huh?).

No, she's a perfectly nice girl and as far as houseguests go she's top notch. I'm just not interested in being dragged across the state. I think she just got confused like most people east of the Hudson. Just because Steamboat is in the same state does not mean we can make a lovely daytrip out of it.

East Coasters. You people rock.

Well hello, Govunah!

We don't like the queers here in Colorado, and you can spark up that doobie somehwere else, thank you.

You know, it didn't turn out completely as I had hoped, but it's a step in the right direction. I don't understand why we need measures that specifically ban certain rights from people. After all, amending the Constitution to take away rights from others has never ever ever ever ever worked. Why don't people get this? It is such a waste of energy to go to the trouble to specifically isolate a group of citizens when in the end we always realize how wrong we were and overturn it anyway. It only shows how insecure and easily threatened we are as a country if we can't at least validate the committed relationship between two individuals. And when my parents stop marrying, I will believe in the sanctity of marriage, thank you (Mom has 3 under her belt, dad has 2).

The domestic partnerships ref did not pass, but it was avery narrow margin. I had high hopes for it, but I can't be too disappointed with progress, however slow it is.

Anyway, an odd thing happened yesterday. I was doped all day from that damn sleeping pill (never again) and crashed when I got home. When I came to, I was simply in no mood to go run. But something weird happened.

All of the sudden, my workout clothes were on.

THEN, my shoes were on!

Before I knew it, I was jogging outside. I have no idea how it happened, but I'm not opposed to it happening again. It's going to be 75 degrees today so I will stop at Wash Park for my run on my way home. Perhaps my car will just pull itself into the parking lot, no?

So I'm fed up with people this week. I've had an odd series of occurances that have left me pissed off at the general public at large.

I was in Target on Friday after the Michelle Kwan shoot. Picture it: I'm in the iPod aisle. I'm standing there dressed very professionally (in heels!) gazing at the back of a box of headphones. I'm holding my purse AND my carkeys. The only thing that would say "come bug the shit out of me" is a gold plated name tag which is BARELY visible, but CLEARLY states where I'm from, and it isn't Target (and I'm not wearing a red shirt, hello!).

I'm interrupted by this older woman in her 50's. She marches right up to me and launches into I tirade about how she can't find table fans. At first, I thought she was just crazy. And then it hit me that she just thought I worked there. I tied to interject, but that made her even more upset that I had interrupted her, so I just waited her out. When she was done, I said, "Lady, I do not work here". She then proceeded to put her face right up to my name tag, raise her eyebrows and say, "Oh, reeeeeeeeeallly????"

Like I was lying to her!

So I pointed to the words and said it very slow and she said "oh" and walked away.

And it happened AGAIN.

The next day, Ross and I are at the mall and we are in a clothing store. I exit a fitting room.... barefoot......tags sticking out of my clothes.... I'm poking my head around and I'm clearly lost.

I don't get 10 feet from the door and a woman grabs me and goes, "do you work here?"

She wasn't rude about it, but I was. I shouldn't have been. But come on! Have we become that unaware of those around us? I dunno. Twice in a row. It just chapped my ass.

Bah.

Vote or STFU

No more sleeping pills for me.

I have been bowing down to the pharmecutical gods here and there in the form of a sleeping pill every so often. It reminds me of that scene in Weeds where Celia's yuppy attorney husband looks over at her while they're getting ready for bed and says, "I need extra good sleep tonight. Should I take 2 Ambien?" She then proceeds to crush 2 more up and put into his water. When he passes out, she shaves his head for screwing his tennis pro.

I'm not screwing the tennis pro, but I'm starting to have incredibly vivid dreams that involve plane crashes and future children. Perhaps some bedtime tea will suffice.

Ross and I had our 2 year anniversary this weekend. 2 years! That's as long as some high school relationships (considering I had no relationships in high school, this is big). We went to Idaho Springs to have Beau Jo's. For those not familiar, they make these pizzas with thick, doughy crusts and super fresh ingredients. I was reminded how quickly ski season is approaching.... It was already packed with the diehards who will risk death by skiing in awful condtions just so they can say, "I went skiing this weekend". Did you know that only 10% of children who grow up in denver will EVER ski? It's 20% everywhere else in the state. That's how expensive it is. Something that accounts for the biggest chunk of our revenue (tourism) is a sport most children who are actually natives can't even enjoy. Yes, I know. Your heart bleeds with sympathy for these children who will never destined for ski snobbery.

Anyway, we then headed to the outlet stores at Colorado Mills (Erin, you have GOT to go there. It is now my favorite place... in the world). I got a pair of skinny Gap jeans for $12.50. If I play my cards right, I will be just fat enough to not be able to button them by Thanksgiving. All in all, it was a great day. Papa Bear, thank you SO MUCH for my ring and it has been a fabulous 2 years. Actually, thank you for making PMS chocolate craving runs to the store at 10 pm and tickling my back to help me fall asleep and putting up with my attitude when I quit smoking and just being the great man that you are.

SO.

I've decided that I in fact need some superficial motivation to stay at my desired weight. Yes, I will do my post Christmas juice fast and will keep pushing towards running goals. But at the same time, it was a hell of a lot easier when I was working towards going to the beach and running around in a two piece. Hopefully, the "skinny" jeans will serve the same purpose. Yes, I know that 140 is perfectly acceptable and yada yada yada, but I have to refer back to the extra cheese pizza theory. It just doesn't feel good.

Time to get back to running today. I've gotten into the habit of not working out on Mondays so now I'm down to only 4 days a week of working out (not including weekend activites). Not good. 4 days turns into 3 and so on and so forth and we are back to double digit pant sizes and a bloated face.

PS: It's Election Day. If you didn't vote, I do not want to hear your opinions on gay marriage or domestic partnerships or those damn illegals or how marijuna (said like "Mari-jew-wanna") is the curse of the devil you lazy bum, you.

By the way.

I'm against the gay marriage ban.

I'm for domestic partnerships.

I believe in fines for businesses that intentionally hire illegal immigrants (and no, that does not mean I think we should round 'em up and ship 'em off)

I believe that less than ounce of marijuana in your possession should not be a punishable offense.

I believe that the minnimum wage should be raised.

I believe that at least 65% of classroom expenditures should go towards classroom instruction.